As I scroll through my Facebook feed and read everyone's summary of 2015, I realize that this was not only a difficult year for me, but for many of my friends and family as well. Your extremely thoughtful posts have made me reflect on myself and my friendships with you, as well as how I may start to redefine "friendship" in this coming year(s).
Social media has this really unique way of connecting and disconnecting us all at the same time. So many people who I consider to be friends would say, "I had no idea! You seemed so happy!" when I told them about the difficult situations 2015 introduced me to. I wish there was an emoji to describe the face I would make when they would say such things... it's sort of a face that says "Do you expect me to post pictures of myself crying at night and not getting out of bed until 3pm?" And even worse are those who would say, "Well if anyone can get through this, it's you." While I recognize that sentence is supposed to be empowering, it is the exact opposite. I feel it is you giving up on the conversation (and thus, me) because it is too difficult to tend to and you don't have the words to say to make it better. The reality is, when people are going through an incredibly trying time - the best thing you can do for them is to be present. Those of us who are in the trenches know there are no magic words to make any of the pain go away and that we will ultimately have to walk over the burning coals alone. But our friends, our real friends, and our incredible family members are there every step of the way - checking in on us, cheering us on when we need the motivation, staying silent when we need the listening ear, and waiting at the finish line with smiling faces that scream, "I never lost faith in you."
So, as I'm reading your posts and recognizing that I'm not the only person who has had a rough year, I realize how easy it is to be selfish during times of trouble. Of course, people can only give what they have and the reality is my usually overflowing water tower of love and energy was relatively depleted this year. I did not have much to give you at all, and for that, I am sorry. In addition, I'm finding it so eye opening to read your reflections and hear myself saying, "I had no idea. You looked so happy!" Again, social media has this way of making us feel as though we are a part of one another's lives but really... are we? How connected are we to one another? Are we friends? For those of you who have had a tough year and I have not reached out to, because I thought you were fine or because I wasn't, I just want you to know, I am sorry. And I would like to do a better job at being a friend - a real friend - in the coming year(s).
I know there are the new years resolution haters out there (and the studies that say making a resolution doesn't work to back them up), but I say they're lame and resolution makers are awesome. For anyone who knows me, you know I'm always striving to be better than I was the next day, and certainly better than I was the year before. I'm finding that as I get older, life will only become more complicated. More loss, more stress, more responsibilities. These things are unavoidable with age. However, I feel blessed to be able to experience these trials and tribulations because it means I am alive - I am learning, I am growing, and I am making the absolute most of my time here on Earth. As easily as I can reflect on the darker moments of 2015, I must appreciate that without them, I would not be living in this beautiful home that I own, that my parents recently came to help me pretty-up. Without the hardships, I would not have this incredible job where I feel inspired everyday; knowing that I am making a difference in others' lives. I would not have met the most amazing coworkers and supervisor who have helped me along this journey more than I could ever thank them for. Even my dog is an official cancer survivor this year, so there is just an unbelievable amount to be thankful for, despite the darkness.
A few resolutions I have for 2016, career-oriented ones and some personal ones aside, are to invest deeper into the friendships that I know will last me my lifetime and, ha, keep up with this blog. ;) To my friends and family around the world, have an amazing evening no matter what you're doing or who you're with, and cheers to 2016. Happy New Year!
